Rumani TharraleosCurly Hair. A journey, with hundreds of products, thousands of tutorials and millions of different techniques. Being mixed race adds another layer of complexity because neither of your parents have the same hair as you.
It is more than normal to feel confused and disappointed when you feel like you can’t do your own hair. We are unique and that’s something to celebrate, rather than critique, but when you’re on your 500th tutorial that still hasn’t worked, it can be hard to remember to embrace your curls. This guide aims to simplify and ease your hair care; and remove the stigma that our hair is unmanageable.. All it takes is a little patience, self-compassion and a ton of moisturiser!
Many times, I’ve worked up the courage to embark on a new tutorial: sitting in the reflection of the mirror, surrounded by products, spray at the ready and video at hand. Bracing myself for starting another curly hair guide. Only to be disappointed: hair half wet, and hands drenched in some product which isn’t even the “correct” product I was meant to use in the first place. The only thing I saw when I looked in the mirror was a clown. Of course, that’s not the case, but that is certainly how I felt. In case you’ve ever felt the same way, know that you are not alone in this experience.
It’s a lot. Stepping away from our parents and taking control of how we do things. But it’s not the same, see: if your mother has straight hair and so do you, you can just quickly ask for a quick tip. But when your hair is so dramatically different, asking for help can result in an awkward silence accompanied with “I just don’t know.”
Times like these I felt like screaming back “Neither do I!” It’s a strange feeling because when you are younger you assume your parents know everything, but that exposure to uncertainty is daunting and frustrating. Nevertheless, it gets better, and even when things do feel out of control, I am here to remind you that you do have options.
1. Accept that you are different.
Feeling unfamiliar with yourself can feel isolating. Nevertheless, embracing your differences is the key to curl confidence. No one’s hair is the same. That’s a fact. Even if two individuals’ hair looks the same, they are chemically different. This is why what works for one person, might not work for you. When I realised this, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. This is a good foundation to start with because it means that you can create a curl routine specific to you and your curls, allowing you to gain full control over your hair. This is an exciting moment, because you can begin to get creative and experiment. Any narratives you have told yourself or have been told about how your curls “just aren’t right” can be erased. You just need to figure out what works for you.
2. Comparison is a killer.
We live in a society that thrives on ideals. So, it can feel like second nature to compare your curls to someone else’s. It’s likely that whoever you are viewing has spent a long-time taking care of their curls. Be cautious when setting expectations of what your curls will look like once you’ve followed their tutorial because you are likely to experience a different set of results if you are just starting on your hair journey. Lift the pressure off for your curls to look a certain way. For people with curly hair, society idolises individuals with ‘3a-3b’ curls. This preference for hair appearance is known as texturism. Our feeds, for-you pages, and Pinterest boards can be bombarded with this specific curl type. Throw this out the window. It’s just another way to make us feel less than. Just to top it off, the earliest hair type model was designed by a Nazi to determine Namibians’ proximity to whiteness.
3. How to figure out what works for you
I have had many encounters with curl guides, and just when I thought I would find out the big secret to curl hair care, the guide has just shoved a product in my face that I “must have” if I want the “perfect curls”. Lots of advertisements labelled with “if”, make everything conditional, condemning us to one perfect method, product or routine. So, approach your choices with patience and time.
The concept of porosity is science based and should apply to everyone. Check out my blog: What Is Hair Porosity And Why Does It Matter? – HeyCurls to find out more. Porosity is how well you can absorb and hold moisture. There are 3 types: low, medium and high. You can do a simple test by dropping a piece of your hair in a glass of water and seeing how far it sinks or if it sinks at all. Once I figured out how porous my hair was, it built an extremely useful foundation for what products to use, what methods and what routines work best for my curls.
4. Show some self-compassion
It’s more than normal to feel like your new routine isn’t working, and that you can’t see any results: it’s disappointing. You feel like you’ve been waiting for so long and it still isn’t improving. We need to be compassionate with ourselves, and our hair. It takes time for your hair to adjust and to grow, so patience is key.
Reduce the pressure of perfectionism and embark on this exciting journey.
